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That which breaks us and we rebuild from, makes us Fucking Badass!!!

Okay, so I haven't been as deligent as I had hoped at blogging... It wasn't for lack of motivation though... Life is simply kicking my ass this year!!! I have been through more hardships and heartache this year than many of the previous years combined... Crazy how when it rains it pours, isn't it?


The holidays are now upon us... A hard time of year for many... As others are joyful and festive, there are those of us who are just trying to make it through... I use to love this time of year more than any other... Until the year my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer on October 23... That year I flew to spend the last Thanksgiving and Christmas I would ever have with him... My Christmas present was when he squeezed my hand (he had slipped into a coma that morning) The next day I lost the man who raised me, the only man I ever called daddy, my dear sweet grandfather was gone. Bittersweet though, he did keep his promise of being with us for Christmas... Unfortunately though Christmas would never feel the same... Earlier this year in April, I lost my granny... I held her hand as she took her last breathes and she transitioned from this world to spirit world, I could feel my grandpa by her side. That experience changed me, I have been consumed by sadness... This year has felt like one tragedy after another, it has truly broken me... Yet in spite of everything I went into this season with optomism... Ugh sadly though 2019 has proven to be a year of trials and heartache... And the holiday season has held many personal challenges... I wasn't quite sure I'd make it through the last couple of months... So many obstacles to overcome, even my health was compromised...


I'm sure you have heard the saying 'That which doesn't break us, only makes us stronger'

Well I believe that which breaks us and we rebuild from, makes us Fucking Badass!!!

Sure it's great if you can go through hell and not be broken... But what if there is just more than one can take? What if the Universe has something amazing for us? Yet wants to make sure we are not only ready, but we appreciate it to the fullest! Trial by fire! Those three words, describe my year pretty perfectly...BUT I am still fucking here!!! I've been broken, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically this year... But I am still fucking here!!! I made it and sometimes we have to congratulate ourselves for simply making it through what we could have allowed to permantantly break us... Could I have handled things better? Well, of course I could have... Could I beat myself up for all the mistakes I've made in how I've handled things this year? Again, of course i could!!! BUT I could also look at myself as someone who been broken and stumbling through this life changing year that needs compassion and understanding... If my grandparents were here, that is how they would look at me... Sometimes in life there is no one else around to show us the love, compassion and understanding that we need though... In times like that we must show it to ourselves. Be gentle with yourself, healing takes time...


I will leave you with this... It came to me a few months ago, after deep meditation and calling upon my ancestors to guide me...


Sit with yourself... Listen... Just be there... You have to face you, no one else is always going to be there... Embrace yourself, the dark, the light. See the beauty in all of your multi facets... Face the pain, it has made you who you are, embrace it... Embrace the memories and above all Be Grateful! Gratitude is the secret to achieving Eternal Bliss!

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